Can I be real with you?
I’ve wanted to blog about this but have been somewhat hesitant at the risk of getting too personal. Then I realized that I am an authentic person who enjoys meaningful conversation that is grounded in honesty. It’s bound to get personal. So after a lengthy conversation with my ride or die friend of 25 years, I decided to put it out there. We didn’t discuss this issue but I enjoy the open communication between us. So I was inspired to feel the fear and do it anyway.
As I sit here gathering my thoughts and feelings, I contemplate the fact that we are all imperfect human beings. As much as I want to present a glowing image of myself and all of my fabulousness, I struggle with that “thing”. Don’t we all have at least one “thing” that makes us feel out of control at times. That “thing” that challenges me is my weight. I’m not grossly overweight but by the ideal body weight standard for my height, I have at least 50 pounds to lose. Even if I do not conform entirely to that standard, I still have some weight to lose.
Recently, my weight has become a concern but not enough where I have achieved sustainable results. The weight just kept creeping up on me. It took a while to get here and it’s going to take a while to disappear. If only I were Jeannie from “I Dream of Jeannie”. I could make it disappear with a nod of my head and a blink of my eyes. That would be awesome.
Many of my friends have been super kind and sweet by saying things, like “you are not fat” or “you look fine”. Some remind me that I’ve had three kids. Yes that is true, but let’s face it, the babies are now 15, 11 and 10 years old. I can’t use that excuse anymore.
I feel like an imposter. Where did this body come from and who is this person that is inhabiting my body? I want the real me back, NOW!
I still envision myself as the fit young woman who used to work out regularly, and was in great health and excellent shape. Well, I am in my 40s, and some things have changed. I have successfully lost and gained weight over the past 10 years. In the past, I’ve worked out consistently, attended fitness classes at my gym, worked with a trainer, consulted with a dietitian, and joined Weight Watchers (three times). I’ve even had my metabolism checked, no problem there.
I still belong to a gym, and attend classes from time to time. However, something usually throws me off course. That something is usually kids’ activities, other commitments or I just don’t feel like it. I’ve fallen off and gotten back on the wagon for several years now. I am proud to say that I’ve never given up completely. I do know how this fitness regime works, I just need to WORK IT. I always find my way back to the gym but I want results this time. I can’t give up on me. My family needs me and I need them.
I recently joined Weight Watchers, and have not counted a point in five weeks. I was down 5 pounds at my last weigh in. I lost my drive after my mom passed at the end of November. My husband and I went on a cruise to Cozumel in early December to help take my mind off of things. We also spent a week in New Orleans over Christmas with the family. Need I say more? The points and the portions went out the window. I actually gave myself permission to eat and be merry.
It’s time to get back on the wagon. I still have one foot on and one foot off. The good news is that I recently received a text from a trainer at my gym offering to work with me again since her schedule has opened up at a convenient time for both of us. Yes!! That is the boost that I need.
The biggest struggle that I have is consistency. I allow myself to be side tracked very easily. My kids activities often throw a wrench in my exercise plans so I just skip it on occasion. Obviously that is not working out for me, otherwise I would not be at this place in my life. I’m always going to be there for my kids. They are my priority.
Mama needs to take better care of herself, so that she can take care of the family.
I didn’t even tackle the eating issue here. That’s another story. Although, I have made some positive changes in that area, one of them being juicing for all the great health benefits.
My husband always says, it’s easy to come up with reasons why you shouldn’t do something, create reasons why you should. That’s great advice. NO EXCUSES! So with that said, I’m committing myself to my mission to be healthy. I’m not going to create a big long overwhelming list of stuff that I need to do. I know what needs to be done. I just need to MAKE IT HAPPEN. I need to do these two things for starters.
1. Exercise consistently (4 days a week minimum).
2. Eat more fruits and vegetables
Oh and for the record, this is not a New Years resolution. I don’t do resolutions. It’s a lifestyle adjustment. I’ve already created enough “musts” and “shoulds” in my world.
I know that I have a number of fantastic blessings in my life right now, so this “thing” does not define me. I define, it.
Check back with me from time to time. I could use some accountability partners. What’s your “thing”? Any food for thought?
Peace and Blessings,